She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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