i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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