why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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