just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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