Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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