im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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