and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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