the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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