when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize