Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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