God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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