she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
