Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize