so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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