I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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