your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
false alarm, still single
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