dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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