You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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