I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize