DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
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Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
sex in a hospital.. check
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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