Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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