well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
