i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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