spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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