Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Randomize