my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize