RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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