If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize