Only a mothe r could love this liver
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize