please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
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Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
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Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How naked do you want me to be?
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