New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize