I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
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my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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