So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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