He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
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Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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