i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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