her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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