I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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