with your own penis?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
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I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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