i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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