you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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