Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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