dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize