**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize