I don't think brook has ever known best
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
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My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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