I wish my penis had an off switch
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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