Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize