You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize