just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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