Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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