It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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