Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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